theblitzreport

It’s Monsters VS. Aliens!

A cute, funny kids’ movie!

A CG Masterpiece!

A carefully crafted gender-slanted diatribe that subtly pushes negative stereotypes about the male gender into the unsuspecting minds of American youngsters!

Yeah, you read that last statement correctly. It wasn’t a mistake bubbo.

Don’t get me wrong, Monsters vs. Aliens is a 3d masterpiece. The pacing is excellent. The computer graphics are stunning. The humor is at those rare, sacred LOL levels. Watching Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd and Stephen Colbert all pumpin’ thier own private brands of goofball into thier CG sockpuppets was a treat. Rogen was particularly hilarious.

But the damn thing got my antennae going, dagnabbit! The lead character, Susan, or Ginormica, as she’s later called wasn’t a goofy sock-puppet  like the rest of the brightly-colored comedian-powered (mostly male) leading cast. No, Ginormica was the animated frontwoman for some kind of newly ressurected women’s lib movement. She’s a big-ass, tech-age rosy the riveter poster that talks and beats up giant robots.

Now if you’ve seen the film, you might not catch my drift. But wait. Let me trace for you, the intricate lines of this diabolical web of  culture-media savagery.

A. The woman runs the show.

The basics of the plot: Some chick gets hit by a meteor on her wedding day, which turns her into a 50-foot megabitch. To save the day, she must salvage her lost self-confidence (taken from her by a male antagonist),  lead an army of (incompetent male) protagonists against a global threat (the main male protagonist) and rearrange her goals and personal mission in life (to survive without the support and/or approval of males.) The bottom line here: Males (and thier natural tendencies), are the problem. Megabitch is the solution.

B.  All the antagonists are male.

The good guys in the film are too unfocused and incompetent to do anything about the global threat.

All the guys in the film that have some sort of power position, are, not only big idiots in disguise, but are too pre-occupied with their agendas of domination and conquest, to notice anything that really matters. (Like relationships, and other girly stuff that saves the universe.)

All the guys in the film are big, selfish babies in one way or another.

C. Traditionally female qualities are shown to be the solution, while male qualities are shown to be the problem.

Every problem in the film, is at the root, based on a male power complex or ego, while the girl traits, relationship-building, compassion, being considerate, are the solutions.

Yeah, it’s a pretty deep analysis for a cartoon. But I’m a man– a selfish egomaniacal prick, whose domination and war instincts have been set off by Ginormica, the jilted bride-turned-megabitch.

Other than the points I’ve just presented, Ginormica does a lot of whining, crying, and holding herself while rubbing her elbows in the film. Core aspects of the plot, like having her life change on her wedding day add fuel the noteable estrogen fire that burns under this bright, multicolored cg kettle of a flick. But it’s there. I see it. And don’t really think it’s all that cool.

It’s a nice movie… But do we really need to burn bras again?

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