theblitzreport

Are relationships just big man-traps?

What if the human dating game is just a complex biological conspiracy, created to get mens’  babies? (The black widow just bites the male’s head off. Lucky. They don’t suffer long.)

You know how traps work. There’s bait. There’s a trigger. And there’s a capture.
For a trap to work, it obviously has to be well-concealed. If fish could see the big ol’ gleaming hook sticking out, they obviously wouldn’t go after the worm. So fishermen, in order to hide the trap, try to conceal the worm as best they can. Good fishermen make it so that all a fish sees, is the fat, juicy, wriggling bait.

Women work the same way, of course. They’re really enticing. They’re made-up just the way we men like. Perfume. Lipstick. Nice smiles and subtly enticing outfits.
They’re fun, flirtatious and adventurous at first and may play hard-to-get–for a while.
But eventually they give you that reward they know you’re lookin’ for. (Sex.)
(The chase is all part of the baiting, fellas. Stay with me.)
It’s smooth sailing after that.
Hanging out is that much more fun. The discovery process is fun and exciting. The bond grows readily, steadily.

But then what happens guys?

We find out the vagina has doors. (Clink!) (The trap is ingenious, really.)
When they first shut, we think nothing of it. We write it off as a fluke.
We paste a smile on, and brush it off. (Maybe it’s the weather.)

But then the doors start shutting a lot more often. (Clink! Clink! Clink!)
But by this time you’ve already set up shop. You’ve kinda sunk your roots in, and decorated the area around the vagina.
You’ve already put up pictures and laid carpet.
You’ve set up your TV, favorite cup and armchair by this point.

By now, you’re just a little frustrated.

So you get the tool set out, and are trying to  figure out how these crazy new doors work. You’re pushing buttons, trying all sorts of keys to find a solution. (Maybe it’s one of those foreign models.)

But soon you realize. (Clink! Clink! Clink! Clink! Clink! Clink! Clink! Clink!)

The doors to the vagina are the most complicated device in the galaxy. (Maybe it’s alien technology.)

You could have just as soon set up shop in the desert!

Then that first wave of terror (and that cold sweat) runs over you after you’ve exhausted all options. Nothing you’ve got is gonna work.

Pussy. It’s the best trap ever designed.